i was sitting here,
dreaming. thinking. wondering.
im gone, and its okay.
that statistic that says “only 20% of people- see you the way you want tl be seen. the other 80% sees you completely differently”
i forget that sometimes.
and while i sit here, and pity myself.
i realize,
you were mean then, and youre still mean now.
you were self-absorbed then, and youre self-absorbed now.
i dont need anyone in my life,
who doesnt appreciate who i am.
and when i gaze into the light that is my son, i know.
i have so much more to live for than your petty ways.
my life is so much more complete than your partying, drinking and piss poor attitude.
i dont need you to make me feel shitty anymore.
i am without
and every passing moment
reality sets in
i could be here forever
lost in a sea of shattered lies
relationships that never even really existed in the first place
i want to weep,
but my soul wont let me
i miss a hardy hand
a strong caress,
a meaningful kiss
and dream of a future where love exists not only for me, but in me.
yesterday was a realization.
i am not here anymore, and nor am i accepted.
“forget you, you never mattered to me”
my tears are foreign to this feeling
and the burning in my chest reminds me to keep my head up
stick to my guns
and remember the future.
but even in the future, i am alone.
quotations from a shadow,
And i would like to able to continue
To let what is inside of me
Which is, which comes from all the music that i hear
I would like for that to come out
And it’s like, it’s not really me that’s coming
The music’s coming through me
The music’s coming through me
at least for today,
remember me? remember nothing. i am not here. onlythefateswillfindmenow.
i fill your uninterrupted void with minor conversation,
and flow into your next week’s.
forget about what is wanted, and only think of time.
i am behind in all my chores.
i am behind in all my duties.
call council.
make meek suicidal tendencies seem as though they never really mattered in the first place (they never mattered in the first place)
im on a roll!
“i pick the best men. haven’t you seen my newest catch?
he’s better than yours, and yours, and yours, and he makes the most money. he’s so supportive and he’s so kind. he would give you the shirt off his back. its so nice to be me.”
she looks at me with sorrow, i feel nothing in regards to her beliefs or ideals. (i am not alone)
but hey-shake shoulders, dust off your high heeled boots. i’m okay with being okay, at least for today.
i should tell nothing, speak of nothings
why am i so boring?
maybe it is all in my head, maybe i am bruised and broken beyond
marred, but a lack thereof
insides turned inside (out)
destiny rules all means of control
what is destiny anyways?
where are all these guardian angels i have lost in the realities of this realm?
i speak in tongues i cry in rivers
i bite down before ill ever show another one
ill bite down
there are many things
i want to say in time; i am forgotten
misanthropic
but you cannot call out to me when my ears are not forgiving
it is hard times (not mine, but yours and yours and yours)
in which you call out
my skin is still as smooth as silk
i am feeling the need to tell you
whisper, whisper in your ear
“i am alone out here”
i want to pay attention, but i am grief stricken
i want to tell you that i can only take collect calls from you at this time
i want to be on the receiving end of jubilation
and call absurdity to those who do not know my name
life has a funny way of showing you what you have done wrong in the past
it lurks behind corners, ready to divuldge your deepest secrets into
the unknown
it will expose you, and show you to the world (when it is ready)
and even though you think youre a
good person (you really don’t think youre a good person)
it will show you who you really are
2013 is among us.
I am ready for change.
Are you?
freedom comes seldom. i am alone. i have hands holding mine in winter weather. i am alive.
i break free of still waters. i keep my head in the clouds. i am depicting a dream made in shallow waters
surrounded by white doves and silver swallows. thrown upon a canvas, i am worn.
scars placed upon my belly- i am rewarded with this gift. i shall never be alone again. now that i am no longer naive, i am happy.
In 2013,
People spend too much time judging each other. People snub up their noses without actually knowing the pain, or hurt that a person may be undergoing. People point fingers, and assume that they know what causes someone to act in a certain way, or worse, tell them how they SHOULD be acting in a situation. They tell them that their feelings are wrong, or that they are ‘over reacting’. There is nothing worse than undermining someone who feels genuine about a situation at hand.
In order to react to a certain situation in which one may find inappropriate, the initiator must feel a way to create such a mood, or scenario. Telling someone they are wrong for reacting a certain way, or telling them that their feelings are unjust is nothing short of pretentious and arrogant.
In 2013, I plan to love more, and judge less. I suggest that you do the same.
John Myles Fleming,
People say that labour is one of the hardest things that a woman will ever do. I have to argue, that breastfeeding is mine.
I have broken down, time and time again. The frustrations of failing to provide my son Myles with enough milk, while trying to cure his jaundice and trying to eat right, get enough sleep and most importantly, remain calm….is impossible.
I told myself I wouldn’t give up, and I know that women say “one day they just get it.” It just seems like so far away, and so unachievable.
Between the dog puking all over my house, and my son screaming at the top of his lungs on way too many occasions throughout the day, I feel defeated. Broken down, and so absolutely worn to pieces. Those women who are blessed with the ability to breastfeed with ease…I envy you.
I find the agitation and inadequacy on my part to be daunting. When will I learn? When will Myles achieve? And when will our bodies work together to be this magical bonding experience where I don’t want to rip all of my hair out at the sounds of my baby being so unsatisfied, and me being so clueless.
I am rambling, and I am becoming a different human being. I am burnt out, and it is changing my ability to cope…and the hardest part of it all is, is that I am doing it alone.
